Electronic vs Manual

Call me old fashioned (ok I'm old fashioned), but there are times when incredibly old technology has a distinct advantage over new.  One of our secretaries was in tears yesterday, because modern technology failed her.  She is responsible for printing off and collating all the reports for the senior classes.  Technology, which is supposed to make her life so much easier, failed to do its job.  The program that was supposed to generate the reports screwed things up so badly it reduced this incredibly strong (and I'm not talking physical though she may be that as well) woman to tears.  I know the feeling well.  There have been a number of times I've felt like grabbing the computer tower, or laptop, and tossing it out the window, off the balcony, or the roof, of whatever building I happen to be in.  Actually, I find that threatening to do so will often correct the problem (unless there is a nasty virus, then not even the strongest of meds poured down its virtual throat will help).  However, back to electronic vs manual, which is where all this began.  In the olden days, you know back in the days of the dinosaurs, there used to be manual typewriters.  Yes, you actually had to not use electricity, press firmly (and I do mean firmly) on the keys, replace the ribbon once in a while (depending on how many times you'd used the cloth ribbon) and what was there was there.  Unless you made a mistake, then liquid paper (or a similar thing on strips of paper) was used.  Wayyyy before liquid paper, if one made a mistake, one had to take the sheet of paper out and retype everything.  Accuracy more than speed was the key, though being able to type 50 (yes 50) words per minute error free was the ultimate goal.  I never did reach that.  I think the highest I ever got was around 37 (kind of like my bowling scores).  No matter.  It was very tempting to suggest someone find her an old, manual typewriter to use - just for this occasion, or to take both the computer and the programmer up to the roof of the school and huck both of them off, just to make herself feel better.  Well ok, maybe not the programmer, that would cause all sorts of other problems, but the computer for sure. Until next time I feel like tossing the computer (is there a competition for how far a person can throw a computer, or how fast it will drop off the top of the roof, and where do I sign up?) I'll leave modern technology alone and go sit on my balcony where the birds are using even more ancient technology to soar through the air.

Toilet paper, potholes and recovery

At first, when I saw the headline about toilet paper and recovery, I thought I'd imagined it.  We all know I have a penchant for misreading things and was sure I'd read the headline wrong.  When I went back to re-read it, it was gone, so I simple assumed I'd been imagining it.  I do have a good imagination, but that would have been a little on the odd side.  However, given that I was probably subconsciously reminding myself to buy more toilet paper, I simply shrugged my shoulders and carried on, only to have the headline reappear, and no, I wasn't imagining it.  This leads to soooo many questions.  Why toilet paper?  What is it recovering from?  Who would know? Was it suffering from a hangover, or the flu, both of which can lay pretty much anything or anyone low?  Did the writer mean that someone recovered the toilet paper, perhaps in satin or crepe?  Why would whoever they are that is doing this do that?  Do they have a thing about naked toilet paper, unlike airline security who have a thing about clothing?  Perhaps the persons who feel that toilet paper needs to be recovered are actually talking about recycling.  How does one recover used toilet paper to recycle (cue up the eeewwww factor here)?  Can you, or anyone else for that matter, see your/him/herself listing that as a job skill?  Which brings us to the other headline about potholes and recovery.  Are the potholes in need of recovering (probably given how they spring up regularly on the roads, much like pimples only in reverse)?  What are they recovering from?  or should cities use the recovered toilet paper to fill the potholes, thus solving two problems in one go?  How much recovered toilet paper would it take to fill a pothole and how often would this task have to be performed?  How long would it last and what would be the economic benefit of such a move?  Why would anyone care about either of these (other than potholes which are an ongoing problem for pretty much everywhere)?   Ohhhh.  Never mind.  This has to all do with economic recovery - why, I have no idea, and this inquiring mind isn't going to spend the time finding out. Speculation is much more fun. Until next time.

Coffee

I'm sitting at the computer, sipping on my morning coffee.  No, not instant - that's not real coffee.  Not sure what it is, but it isn't real.  Actually the term "instant" coffee is a bit of a misnomer, considering that you have to wait for water to boil to have that cup of sludge, thus rendering the "instant" wrong.  Unless the manufacturers are referring to the "brewing" time, in which case, since there is no brewing, it is indeed instant.  Not that instant coffee doesn't have its place - like on a camping trip where electric outlets are probably non-existant anywhere remotely close to where the tent/camper/van is (and you're not hauling one of those handy dandy Canadian Tire generators).  I'm also not talking about chain coffee either.  You know, coffee blended specifically for some coffee chain or other.  It too has a less than authentic ring to it, though it is a vast improvement over the instant variety.  It is real coffee - don't get me wrong, but it somehow loses something in translation when it becomes "specially blended".
In my travels, I have, for the most part, lived in countries that grow coffee.  In the middle east it was Arabic coffee which has a distinct full flavour that definitely cannot be confused with the softer, rich flavour of Hawaiian coffee.  India's coffee has a very different flavour, incredibly mellow, someplace between Hawaiian and Arabic.  Mexican coffee has a very robust flavour that, when cinamon is added, gives it a very upbeat snap.  My next stop is Colombia, in the heart of coffee bean country, where I'm quite sure their coffee will have yet another wonderful flavour all its own.  Can't wait.  I'll be able to sip my morning coffee on the balcony and watch the world go by, savouring both the coffee and the sights and sounds of my next new home.  Until next time.

Is the euro zone fixable?

I don't know.  What part of it's broken?  Can it still be driven?  Has its blades gone rusty and they just need sharpening?  Is it a wiring  problem?  Who is actually qualified to fix a euro zone and where does one go to take a course on this, or can anyone do it?  Does it need parts replaced or a total rewiring?  How would one know?  Does warranty cover this or is it warranty free?  Does the euro zone break down frequently, and shouldn't there be a consumer advocacy group out there demanding it be recalled or something?  How long has the euro zone been on the market and will stores be pulling it from the shelves if this is an on-going issue?  Which reminds me - what exactly IS a euro zone?  Is it a car, an appliance, a toy, and who exactly would buy this item?  Is it a limited edition and therefore extremely expensive or can a person go to their nearest dollar store and get one?  Does it come with some kind of return policy attached or is it an all sales final item?  Is there a return policy and how long is it for?  If you keep the receipt, will the store, outlet or manufacturer honour your claim?  Why or why not?  Oh.  Wait.  It's not a thing (though it could be).  It's actually all of the countries who thought having the same everything would be a good plan.  You know, a one size fits all economy.  Problem is, unlike pantihose, if you get a run in this item you can't simply slap a little nail polish on it to keep it from getting bigger.  I'm sure there is a euro zone mechanic (so to speak) that can fix this, instead of one or more persons who doesn't know what he/she is doing messing around with it (like the do it yourself home Mr. Fix It - makes the problem worse than it was to start with).  Until next time, before I have to completely rewire my apartment.

Grass

Apparently Canada's major contribution to the World Cup (for those who follow soccer - sorry football) is grass.  The question is: What kind of grass are we talking about?  Is it the kind you smoke?  The kind you walk on that is often, but not always, green and growing in your front and back yards?  Is it edible by humans, as in wheat grass, or by ruminants (you know cows, goats, sheep) only as in the grass that grows wild in pastures?  Why would they put down perfectly good grass - assuming it's the lawn kind - on a sports field only to have it trashed by umpteen feet trampling it when they could put down real immitation faux grass (isn't that a form of pate?)?  Come to think of it, maybe it's better that the grass gets trampled rather than people (as has happened recently).  What happens if they don't water it?  Grass gets brown, crunchy and then quite grotty, especially when it sticks to sweaty bodies, making said bodies not only sweaty, but also dirty with bits of dead brown grass sticking to it.  If, on the other hand, it's in a pasture, then nobody will care if it's green or brown, certainly not the critters that chew on it - and we're not talking footballers - well, ok, maybe if they land on the grass face down often enough they could. They would, of course have to also dodge natural fertilizer left behind by said ruminants, but that's a minor detail. This whole faceplant thing would work for them only if it turned out to be wheat grass.  Which reminds me.  Isn't that a bit repetitive given that wheat already is a grass?  Oh wait. That's only to distinguish it from, say, lemon grass, or even - dare we say it, oh why not - pot.  At least I think it is.  Then again maybe not. So how does one get grass from lemons, just as a side question? If, as it turns out, Canada's contribution is the smoking kind (as in pot, weed, whatever the current term is for it now), then how come people in Canada can't have it.  Will it become a new exportable product?  Aren't there enough people in that particular import/export business that Canada doesn't have to?  Do we really want to know this?  Do we really care?  This inquiring mind certainly doesn't.  Until next time.

Boulder shoulders

Oh.   Wait.  The headline actually said bolder shoulders.  Why would shoulders be bolder?  Are they asserting themselves in light of other body parts being upsized, downsized or oversized?  Do they feel left out because they aren't getting the attention they feel they deserve?  After all, we all shoulder responsibility, or shrug off problems that might cause us to actually have to deal with them.  And what about the support they provide holding up our - whatever they are holding up?  Don't they deserve a little extra recognition?  Which brings me to boulder shoulders.  While our shoulders may feel they require more than they are getting, there was a time when adding shoulder pads to jackets, dresses and blouses was the in thing.  We all (ok the women all) ran around looking like we were trying out for a North American style football team (not to be confused with soccer teams, which in most parts of the world are called football teams, except in North America).  I think we should have stuck with looking like we were trying out for a soccer - sorry football - team and used the padding someplace else.  Where then could we have shifted (yes as in moved) the padding to?  Well, now we have an answer.  Tops and bottoms.  Yes my dears, we could have added all that extra padding to our fronts and rears and would have started a whole new trend that could have saved women around the world thousands on plastic surgery.  Just think of it, extra large butts and breasts for next to nothing.  Uhhh.  Ohhh.  Wait.  That's already been done - with the bustle and the corset.  Dang.  Here I thought I was on to something.  Never mind.  Until next time.

It's a guy thing

I have noticed, throughout my travels that there is a distinctly guy thing that knows no race, culture, country or religion.  It has to be a definite guy thing as it happens everywhere around the world.  It has to do with the general penchant of guys to "supervise" things.  I've seen it before, but only realized just how gender specific it was when I was sitting on my balcony watching the world go by.  The junk man came by, and there was a good bit of cardboard (old packing crates, etc.) that had been left out.  After much negotiation, the junk man agreed to take the cardboard boxes.  Then the phenomena of supervision kicked in.  While the junk man folded the cardboard into smaller, much more managable sizes, there were six (I counted them so I know that was the exact number) of men standing around watching - or supervising if you prefer - the junk man do his thing.  Men seem to love to do this particular activity, especially if someone else is doing the work.  City workers have this activity down pat.  Ever noticed how one, maybe two, men are actually working and the remainder are standing around, leaning on shovels, metal fencing or whatever is handy, supervising the work.  Yes, it is a cliche, but a very real one, and not one that is going to go away in a hurry.  I'm currently living in India, but have seen this same event in Kuwait, Bahrain and Mexico, not to mention Canada, the U.S. and the U.K.  I'm sure I'll see it in my next port of call, the next country I holiday in and - well let's face it, pretty much everywhere in the world.  Not only do men love standing around supervising, they also like to comment, or if you prefer a more sophisticated term, advise on the whole procedure.  It doesn't seem to matter, either, what the event is, how educated the guys are or what economic status they have, from cars to pot holes, the action is still the same.  Definitely a guy thing.  Until next time the junk man or someone comes so that guys can "supervise", I think I'll have a nap.

Bigger butts

It must be a case of wanting what you don't have.  Why else would Kardashian (no idea which one as there are apparently two of them) want a bigger butt?  Who's big butt does she want?  Why?  Will it make her more popular?  Maybe big butts are now the new sex symbol.  In that case, all of us who suffer from big buttitis will now no longer feel bad, but will be able to flash - so to speak - our slightly oversized butts around with pride.  The next question, of course, is how big is too big.  How much extra butt does this Kardashian person want?  I'm quite sure a number of us would be more than willing to give her our extra buttage if it would make her happy. Or we could share our belly bulge and she could add that on to her butt. Will it be offset by larger breasts as well?  After all, one should have balance in order to keep from tilting one way or the other.  If, on the other hand, she has added to her breastage and has been feeling unbalanced, or top heavy if you prefer, maybe this is her way of balancing out her body so that she doesn't end up face down because of the extra weight at the top.  Maybe that other person who wants to be something she isn't - Montag I believe is her name - could share some of her extra large whatever with Ms Kardashian so that they will both look more like real people.  Then again, if big butts are the latest craze in Hollywood, that speaks well for those of us who have acquired ours naturally.  I believe that little things such as children, food and general lack of time to exercise the excess off has contributed to the "rounding off" of our bodies (at least as far as females are concerned - don't know what the guy's excuses are). Either way, she really should look at a more natural way of acquiring said additional buttage rather than surgical additions.  After all, no matter what she does, mother nature will have her say eventually and all those lovely foreign additions will look positively odd when things do eventually sag and bag.  Until next time, I think I'll take my buttage to someplace other than my chair.