Tweeting too slow

According to a headline I tripped over recently, some poor man was arrested for tweeting too slowly.  How does one tweet too slowly.  Do the tweet police monitor how many letters a person types over the course of an hour or so?  How slow is too slow and who are these tweet police (twit police? bird cops?)  Which birds do the tweet police represent and why would birds care if a human is typing too slowly.  Is that different from driving too slowly (which could be a problem as that creates a completely different set of hazards on the road) or the same?  Whose lives are put in danger of one tweeting too slowly and does that give birds the right to crap on that person's computer the same way they crap on our cars - kind of road rage for birds?  I'm not sure why anyone would care if a person tweets too slowly, but obviously someone did, otherwise why would this man be arrested.  Will typists all over the world now have to worry if their typing speed isn't up to snuff, and who decides what the speed should be?  I can see it now.  Typist trying to learn the rules of speeding, or not, much like in driving.  Will there be signs with speed limits on them in offices everywhere?  What about the private person who is typing at home.  Will someone be monitoring their typing speed as well?  Wouldn't that fall under invasion of privacy?  A much bigger question is - WHY did the police feel this person needed to be arrested in the first place?  What evidence did they have that he tweeted too slowly and was he given a warning and this was a subsequent offence, or was in an instant arrestable offence that no one else seems to know about?  I'm sure I don't know, but I'll certainly be vaguely thinking about finding out whether or not my typing speed is up to the requirements of this unknown issue.  I'd hate to be the next one the police arrest for tweeting, or typing, too slowly.  Until next time.

Afternoon naps

According to reports, afternoon naps are a really good thing.  Apparently they help increase our brain power and metacognitive skills.  Don't you just love those big words? Metacognitive.  Just saying the word makes a person sound smarter.  Actually I can think of a lot of words that make a person sound smarter, but nap isn't one of them.  It sounds more like it really is - resting, sleeping, pretending to be a cat (as in catnap, as in short but often refreshing snoozes).  I intend to do a lot of napping on my break.  Might not be as interesting as trekking around the country side, or hanging out on the Riviera, but it will certainly do a lot for me.  What I really wish is that I could have an afternoon nap at work.  Just think of it.  Like in Kindergarten when we used to have a nap with our blankets and pillows, and then woke up to a snack of milk and cookies.  I can still do the milk and cookies part, but I think my boss would frown on the blanket and pillow bit.  Mostly because he'd probably want to have his own blanet and pillow at work as well, and since he can't, we can't.  Life is just not fair sometimes.  The only time I don't really enjoy napping is when I wake up from one feeling dopey and far worse than I did before I had the nap.  Then all I can do is wonder why I bothered in the first place.  Which brings me to why I need a nap.  Might have something to do with a baby crying on a regular basis across the street.  I'm not sure if it's the same baby or yet another one, but there it is, protesting whatever it's protesting at full volume.  Then of course there are my neighbours who let their dogs out at one or two in the morning.  I don't object to dogs going out to do whatever it is they need to do.  What I do object to is that these particular dogs seem to think that barking as they are running down the stairs is a good thing to do.  Then their owner yells at them to be quiet, which just adds to the noise.  No wonder I need a nap.  Speaking of which, I think I'll go and have one now, or maybe I'll just go to bed - no wait.  The baby is crying again, so guess I'd better wait another hour so that I can have at least a few quiet hours of uninterupted sleep - until the dogs are out - again.  Until next time....zzzzzz.

March madness

Why is it that March is as mad as the character from Alice in Wonderland.  You know, the Mad Hatter and his tea party with the March hare and the doormouse.  I haven't been here for a few days because March madness struck yet again.  Everything that had to be done had to be done last week.  Leftovers are this week and then we all get to sigh a huge collective sigh of relief, collapse on our sofas and vegitate for a couple of days - unless we were crazy enough to book a trip, then it's getting organized for that as well.  I know I'm not alone and it's not only the teaching profession that suffers from the insanity, but somehow that's not a whole lot of comfort when everyone that needs this, that and the other done all at the same time come knocking on my door in the middle of class to tell me I have to have this, that and the other done by yesterday (remember the paperwork thingie - it's alive and kicking down my classroom door!).  Just to make sure we aren't completely lulled into a false sense of done-ness (kind of like dinner), this year the powers that be have decided to cut our spring break down by three days so that we can jam our only Professional Development into those three days in order to tick off all the boxes.   Why you ask?  Good question my darlings and I shall try to answer it given my limited knowledge.  In the past, we have had one half-day a month to do this kind of thing, but because of that nasty creature H1N1, we have lost teaching time, and so must sacrifice those half days.  This, of course, means we have to now sacrifice three days of our much needed and deeply craved for holidays in order to be professionally developed.  So the question is, are these three days a crash course in how to be professional, or are they a crash course in being developed (kind of like the old film used in a camera - you do remember cameras that actually used film don't you?)?  Either way, no matter how short or long the holiday will be, I for one will be thrilled to have the time out.  Then I can actually do things that aren't related to paperwork, like mark student made documentaries.  Wait a minute.  That's still paperwork.  Oh well, at least it will be amusing work to do over the break. Until next time (which hopefully will be much sooner than this time).

Runaway cars

Hmmm.  How does a car run away and why?  Does said car, some dark night when there is no one to see it, slip into reverse, back itself out of the driveway and then shift into drive and slip away aka Herbie?  Did the much larger cars tease it so that it felt hurt and needed to escape?  Did the adult cars refuse to get it some swankie add-on freature and it's feeling hard done by?  Did it suffer from some kind of trama and no one offered to help it?  A near miss or an accident could do that, and can send a car into total withdrawl.  How old is the car when it runs away and are car years like dog or cat years?  You know, one year for a car is the equivalent of 5 or 6 years of a human.  If so that would make a little sense.  After all, children sometimes threaten to run away when they feel hurt.  Teens will definitely run away if they don't feel that the family cares (real or not).  So why will the car run away?  Is it not being well looked after and believes it will be cared for better someplace else?  Does it have an addiction problem (you know - it got the wrong fuel - high octane verses regular) and now can't live without it?  Are it's tires not being rotated often enough, or is it in need of new ones and no one is dealing with the issue?  Is it an oil issue and why did the owners not deal with it sooner?  The big question is, how will an owner of such a car know how it is feeling and get the appropriate intervention in a timely manner and did the car send out any signals that it wasn't happy only to be ignored?  I don't own a car so these issues are not part of my life, but I do know many people who own cars.  Maybe we should all pay much more attention to them in order to prevent our cars from running away.  Or, we could not anthropomorphize an inanimate object and get on with our lives.  I know I will.  Until next time.

Daylight savings time

It is apparently that time of year again when people move their clocks backwards, or is it forwards.  Actually it's the hands of the clock that are moved, though if you are rearranging your furniture then you maybe are moving your clocks backwards, or forwards, or possibly even to the side.  How about trying the clock in a completely different room?  Would that make a difference?  Come to think of it, it's really only the time that is being moved, reset, changed ... well you know.  Which brings me back the incredible shifting time thingie - again.  I have never really understood the concept of daylight savings time.  As far as I know, no matter how early or late we start our day, it is still only 24 hours.  We can't add on extra hours, or take them off, but some bright button somewhere along the way thought this was a good idea.  Had to be a government employee who chronically late for work.  I never did get the whole "change the time" thing when I was growing up and had a lot more little grey cells to help with understanding this idea.  Still don't.  So now, if it's noon here, my son in western Canada is now twelve hour(s) behind me, but the rest of my family in Canada stay the same time, and my son in Europe is now less? more? behind me than before.  Are we adding or subtracting in the Spring?  What about in the fall (autumn to many who don't understand that fall and autumn are the same thing - synonyms if you wish)?  Am I adding an extra hour of darkness or subtracting it?  Can we do multiplication or division instead?  That's much easier than adding and subtracting and will make life so much more interesting, don't you think?  Which brings me, of course, to the msn advertisement to add birthdays to your contacts.  I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure my contacts don't need any more birthdays than they already have.  After all, how many times can you actually be born?  And wouldn't that add even more years to a person - in theory?  If you can add birthdays, can you also subtract them?  How about dividing them and handing them out like pieces of chocolate cake.  You know, share the goodies because if you eat the whole thing yourself, one of two things will happen - you'll either get incredibly sick from so much cake, or your waistline will expand in ways you really didn't want it to.  On the other hand, it might be a handy thing for getting even more gifts than you normally get.  Is this a case of the Mad Hatter's Tea Party where we can celebrate un-birthdays?  Is that what MSN meant?  I have no idea, but there it is.  Until next time.

Why we cook the books

What an interesting idea.  Cooking your books.  Not to be confused with cookbooks, but actually cooking books.  The question is, of course, how are the books cooked and which ones?  Are they marinated first, then dipped in a batter and deep fried?  What about poached?  Sauted with onions, garlic and spices?  Are the books roasted and what kind of vegetables are served with them?  What size of book is used?  Is this a family event, in which case a large encyclopedia would do, or is this a snack, and a paperback romance consumed?  Do these books microwave well if a person is in a hurry or do they just get really chewy and lose their flavour?  Can you barbeque your favourite books and how would you know if they are done?  Does the cover get all nice and crispy or just tender and juicy.  If a person is cooking a cookbook, what kind of cookbook is it?  Are we talking French, in which a very large variety of sauces are available, or Mexican with all those snappy spices.  What about if it's Indian cooking.  Does it lose something in the translation if the right spices aren't used, and if you aren't used to cooking with cardamom, chili and tumeric, how would you know if you used too much - or too little.  What if it's a Russian or Chinese cook book and you live in a completely different part of the world.  Could you get all the same ingredients to cook your books with?  The next question is how do you know if you are even serving the right book to your guests.  What if they are vegitarian?  Do you offer meat free books with tofu and soy?  What about jackets and covers?  Can you bake a book in it's jacket and does it come out all soft and steamy just waiting for that butter or sour cream?  What if it has no flavour, no matter how many spices or sauces or veggies you've added?  Then what would you do?  I have no idea.  I don't even know why a person would want to cook a book in the first place, but I suspect it's got a very shady side to it all.  Until next time.

Ding Ding

Today/yesterday (past-present thingie again) is/was international women's day.  One day a year where women are "celebrated" for doing things great and small.  Funny how that works.  Yesterday (for me) my great thing for women's day was to have round four of THE ROOT CANAL done.  This time the dentist did the final filling of my tooth.  I think she (yes she) said she was filling it with rubber - but I could be wrong.  I'm never quite sure if what I think I hear and what she actually says mean the same thing.  It's that whole language thing again.  Misinterpretation can lead to either a lot of laughter or some major misunderstandings between people - even when they are supposed to be speaking the same language.  At least, I think we are speaking the same language...  Yes, I definitely recognized a number of the words that person said, so it must be english.  I have encountered people in places that are supposedly english speaking and I have absolutely no clue what it is they have said.  I find myself asking them two or three times to repeat what they've said in order to understand or at least get the gist of what the conversation/question is supposed to be about.  Now I know, you will say that I'm just getting old and my hearing is going - which is, I suppose, a possibility.  We do all lose things as we age.  You know.  You lose your keys, your wallet, your cell phone, your hearing, your mind - but not necessarily in that order.  I know of one woman who lost four cell phone in less than a month, and she's half my age, so not certain the age thing is a valid argument, but there it is.  A handy excuse, and I'll use it more and more often just because I can.  As for international women's day, I celebrated it with some fairly good, mixed company - laughs, discussions, comparison of travel experiences and just a really good way to relax after a trip to the dentist.  Happy women's day, ladies. Until next time.