Dog's dos and don'ts

The general consesus of opinion (mine) says that either I need new glasses or I've been teaching too long and lost any skills I have for reading and writing.  Today the headline read "Dos and Don'ts for some romance thingie.  On the same page there was a thing about cats and dogs and how cute they are.  Of course, I merged the two headlines and came up with dog's dos and don'ts for some romantic thingie.  So what are the dos and don'ts for a dog?  Shall we begin with some of the don'ts?  First, do not bark while running down stairs to announce to the world that you are finally Outside.  I'm sure the world will find out soon enough and the humans in the neighbourhood could really care less.  Yes I know, you are telling all your friends and neighbours (including the ones you'd just as soon either tree or chew to shreds - cats take note) that you have arrived, but please wait until you are within seeing distance, not half a mile away behind a large fence.  Secondly, do not pee on everything in sight.  While the trees and ground might not object (actually they really don't have a say in the matter), humans aren't so thrilled with this activity, and would prefer you not kill the plants.  I know, first you have to verbally tell the world, then you have to leave everyone who didn't hear you a more - noticeable - message.  After all, someone might miss hearing you and want to know you are around, and this is your turf.  Thirdly, Do not chew on someone's shoes, especially if that person happens to also be wearing said shoes.  Not a good thing and does not show good neighbourly behaviour.  Your humans might not mind it if you trash their old shoes (or even their new ones), but others do object. 
What about the dos?  Well there are a few.  First, continue to slavishly show your love and deep devotion to your human - he/she needs all the love he/she can get, especially after a particularly bad day at work.  Secondly, do spend quality time sleeping on the couch or chair when family is not home.  You need to have lots of energy for that very important walk with your human.  After all, he/she needs to get out in the fresh air and get some quality walk time in to work off some of that comfort food (see hard day at work).  Thirdly, no matter how angry or frustrated or sad your human may be, the shouting is nothing personal.  He/she just doesn't have any other way of expressing him/her self except for the walk.  Continue to shower him/her with all your devotion.  You are doing good in the world, even if it doesn't always seem that way.  Just don't get carried away with the don'ts and you'll be fine.